Sunday, February 1, 2009

Watch it, mini-van driver, I will run. you. down.

I hate to drive. I admit it. I can be something of a road hazard at times. I freak a little when I have to change freeways. I have no sense of direction, so I manage to get lost in my own neighborhood. I can never find my car in the parking lot, and I still haven't figured out what that green light thingy means on the dash of my own car.

I can't change a flat tire, my oil, or any other of the numerous little fuses or spark thingies they try and teach women who want to be more independent. I am car slash driving impaired in every way really. Just today I managed to run three red lights while trying to turn left, blocked at least two intersections, and double parked on a one-way street. I speed a little and sometimes tailgate.

I've done all these horrible things and more.

There are limits, however, to my madness. No, I'm not winning the safest driver of the year award, but I haven't tried to kill anyone either. For the most part I don't wreck into anything but my own parked vehicles (and our garage door and Dave's weight bench..once). I am not completely stupid or totally oblivious of others around me.

For the most part, I am a timid and defensive driver. I will always move over when someone behind me wants to pass. I never intentionally cut people off and feel just horrible when I do. I don't text message, apply make-up, or fiddle with the CD changer while moving. I never go way under the limit, I'll always let you in if you aren't a jerk trying to cut way ahead of others, and dadgummit, I know how to merge.

Except for the fact that I don't drive super confidently and well, I am always courteous. That being said...

The next time you endanger my children with your self-absorbed disdain for others and their right to be on the road as well, mini-van driver, (a.k.a. moving roadblock) you will feel the wrath of Kitty. I will change like the Hulk from this timid driver into a shrieking ball of road rage just waiting to run down anyone stupid brave enough to get in my way.

You have been warned. Heaven help you.


  1. She'll do it people. Trust me!

  2. Well said!!! I don't like to drive either, but so help me if you are being a jerk out there on the road you will get one nasty glare! Love that you found my blog and that now I can stalk yours ;)


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