Wednesday, January 7, 2009

I'd Rather Have a Root Canal...NOT

I hear this a lot. Don't you hear this a lot? People saying they'd rather have a root canal than listen to this horrible speaker, or they'd rather have a root canal than go out to dinner with those people or go out with that weirdo guy. For some reason, having a root canal seems infinitely preferable to lots of things that are thought to be unpleasant.

I've thought a bit about this recently. How bad can a root canal really be if so many people would prefer it? It can't be all that bad, can it? My little sister claims it's no big deal. (Yeah right. Go read her post.) So does my mom.

I've gone to great lengths in my life in hope of not having any problems with my teeth. I brush, I floss, I have horrific nightmares in which I always feel my teeth falling out into my hands that I for some reason feel the need to show my Dad. (I know, wierd, huh?) I always have my check-ups, and I haven't had any problems at all for close to 20 years.

Well folks, today I had a root canal. And let me tell you. I'd rather listen to that horrible speaker, go on that ridiculous date, have dinner with those people, jump out of a two-storey building, run naked through the streets yelling pollywolly doodle all day, and then get hit by a mack truck. Suffice it to say I'd rather do just about anything than ever have another root canal.

Now, I could go into a great detail about how this sooo wasn't my fault, how this was inevitable repair work from that jerk of a dentist from my childhood (who I sincerely hope rots in that place I can't name cuz my mom will probably read this.) I could talk about how nice the people were even though they turned up the happy gas so much that I almost blacked out. It totally freaked me out of my gourd, so they had to unhook me and start all over to keep me from screaming and running out of the room whilst drool ran down my chin.

I could talk about how they almost suffocated me to death when some moron in another room turned off my oxygen, so all I had to breathe was yes, more not so happy after all gas. I could talk about that horrible high squeal that radiates throughout your skull drilling closer and closer to the nerve that will haunt me to my dying day, or the pain I am now dealing with even though the tooth in question never once hurt me before this procedure.

But I won't.

Seriously, folks. It would be better to just have all your teeth pulled than risk a root canal. At the very least, make them knock you out first. I shall have nightmares forever more.

1 comment:

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