Friday, January 9, 2009

Smooth as a Baby's Bottom

Some people learn from the mistakes of others. Some people have to make their own mistakes. Guess which person I am! They say you gain a new wrinkle in your brain every time you learn something new, but what if it ironed one out every time you did something ridiculously stupid? How smooth is my brain after the last couple of days? Let's see how it all shakes down.

Things You Shouldn't Eat After A Root Canal

while you're still numb....

1. Mashed potatoes. Afterward they're fine. Until it wears off they'll just stick to your lip or run down the side of your face. 1 wrinkle gained.

2. Swiss steak. Yes it is quite tender and oh so yummy, but when you can't tell if it's steak or your lip you're chewing, you should probably not try and chew it. 1 wrinkle gained.

3. Orange soda. Even with a straw you just look like a drunk Elvis with orange soda running down his face. Check out this pic of my sister who made the same mistake....heh. 1 wrinkle gained. 1 wrinkle lost for not learning from her mistake.

4. Chocolate chip cookies. They're crunchy, and you'll look like a gerbil nibbling his kibble. 1 wrinkle gained 1 wrinkle lost.

5. Really you just shouldn't eat anything until at least your eyelid stops being numb. 1 wrinkle gained. 1 wrinkle lost for not learning this much faster.

After the Numb Thaws you still shouldn't eat:

6. Anything sweet. Sugar hitting a raw nerve is a special kind of pain...I just can't talk about it right now...sniff. 1 wrinkle gained.

7. Fruit roll-ups or anything, really, that will stick to your teeth. (They say it's fruit, but they LIE PEOPLE.) It's mostly sugar that glues to your teeth and won't come off without divine intervention all the while causing you the most exquisite pain possible not to mention the pain in chewing this rather hard tacky substance that hardly qualifies as food. 2 wrinkles lost. 1 for the sugar lesson you should have already learned, and 1 for not thinking about how sticky this stuff is.

8. Anything crunchy or with nuts. This includes Doritos. (They weren't sweet. I thought I'd be okay.) 1 wrinkle gained, 1 wrinkle lost. Of course something this hard is going to slam down the pain on an exposed nerve.

9. Yummylicious Godiva Truffles you got as part of your anniversary gift that are really really sweet and covered with nuts. 3 wrinkles lost, 1 for the sweet, 1 for the nuts, and 1 for the smooth texture that will stick the sweet in there insuring the most exquisite pain will last a while.

10. Lucky Charms. 2 wrinkles lost. How much crunchy sugar have I eaten the last 2 days anyway?

Score: -6 wrinkles, and we're having tacos for dinner....Mama would be so proud.


  1. I say the use of this picture qualifies as payback for the bird on your head pictures in my scrapbook.


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